Do You See Him When You See Me?
by sctwilightvampwolfgal
Summary: Alfons wondered whether he was simply a replacement for the one that Ed couldn't see right now. *Deanon from the Hei/Ed Kink Meme over on LiveJournal and inspired off of a sentence prompt over there that I used within the story: 'Sometimes he wonders if it's really his name, or if Edward is just taking advantage of the fact that their names sound exactly alike.'


It starts one day, an inclination that it isn't completely his name that leaves those lips.

Perhaps it was the way that Edward spoke about his brother sometimes, the way that name fell from his lips in a way that was too loving for it to be coincidental or exactly an accident.

Ed always spoke of him in a way that reminded Alfons of himself in some ways though not nearly the ones that had counted.

It was another day in which he'd accidentally heard something that he shouldn't have when his mind fairly quickly connected the dots.

Alfons had never really been sure how such a relationship went on with those changes nor could he imagine a world in which that was generally accepted or perhaps it was their own secret.

He didn't tell his friend about what he'd overheard or the way his mind jumped to such thoughts and almost begged for them; could Ed tell how hopelessly attracted he was to him?  
Alfons hoped not as he wasn't sure he could face the repercussions of his brilliant friend knowing.

* * *

Days could mold themselves into weeks and then months fairly well.

Things had certainly changed by a long run as Alfons felt Edward lean against him and bit back his own smile as he listened the steady heartbeat against his chest that was not his own, but rather Ed's.

There it was though.

Edward had said his name in the way that had been reserved for the other Alphonse before.

'Sometimes he wonders if it's really his name, or if Edward is just taking advantage of the fact that their names sound exactly alike.'  
The thoughts swirled through his head unbidden, and Alfons found himself far too slow to stop them from taking hold there.

He was strong enough to not say anything then though as they walked home in a way that was a little too close for two friends and roommates to walk.

* * *

Sometimes Alfons thought that it was okay; that perhaps a little bit of mistaken identity in moments when guards came down were fine.

Those days, he savored the possibly mistaken utterances and enjoyed the way Ed looked at him as if he was his world and the one that he loved more than anything.

Alfons could nearly pretend that Ed had never told him exciting tales spoke of so very fondly that there had to be some truth to them, and he could pretend that Edward didn't have a brother with his name, just spelled a little differently.

He would cherish the extra and perhaps accidental affection and thrilled over the way that Edward kissed him on those days; it felt amazing to believe that one loves you so strongly that you captured the affections of one who normally only loved another so strongly.

Alfons could smile, be happy, and thrill over every little touch that sent electric sparks through his veins.

* * *

Those days became rarer and rarer as time went on.

Alfons had genuinely fallen for Edward for everything about him from the brightness of his smile to the way his face lit up when he talked about 'his' world to the brilliance of his mind and the way he could lightly tease Alfons sometimes to everything far beyond that.

He always seemed to feel guilty now as Edward spoke his name in a way that could not conceal obvious affection that Alfons was sure was for another.

The way that Edward talked about his world still made that very clear as well; Alfons already was counting down the days almost masochistically until Edward found a way to be reunited with the one of the same name as his roommate.

Alfons felt bitter on those days as if Ed's affectionate way of saying Alfons's name was truly for the other Alphonse, the one that Ed truly loved as more than a brother.

He felt like screaming, like crying, on the worst of moments during those days though he never let down his guard enough to actually do so, fearful of how he'd hurt Edward.

Alfons felt as if he cared too much sometimes.

* * *

His favorite moments with Ed seemed to be whenever the other was near him and before any chance of his name spoken like 'his' name could be uttered.

Waking up to Edward was one of the greatest feelings that Alfons had ever known; he treasured the way he got to see Edward then with his hair drape almost delicately around him and his face smooth of all worry.

Those moments were beautiful though they easily lost their joy some mornings if Edward was dreaming about 'him,' and Alfons knew better than to be overwhelmingly jealous, but the way Ed sometimes sleep talked with his brother on the mind hurt immensely.

Alfons knew that Edward couldn't stop those dreams, and Alfons didn't even know if they really were about the younger brother of the Elric or if they were about his current boyfriend.

He tried to fall back into pretending that it was all for him and about him and not about the brother of his boyfriend though it never really worked.

Alfons wanted Ed to be happy more than anything though his heart still cried out defiantly whenever he realized that Edward probably wasn't completely happy with Alfons and that he might just be a replacement for the one that his boyfriend truly loved.

The German tried to ignore those hurtful thoughts yet they came often enough and were insistent enough that he really couldn't completely ignore them.

He wasn't even sure anymore whether he should actively express that he believed in Ed's world or whether he should really help him out in finding his home again.

Alfons stared at the bed sheet beside him and tried to ignore the hint of bright colors on the bed beside him when all he could really see were images of whatever this other Alfons looked like.

He hated these kind of thoughts; he hated the nagging curiosity that would keep him up at night if he let it.

The German wanted to compare how much alike they really were and perhaps that was what he needed to accept that the way Ed said his name was for him and not the Amestrian's brother or may be that was what he needed to be ruined.

Would Ed immediately go towards his brother and take him back wholeheartedly even if Alfons was there or would he wait politely?  
Did he even have a say in who Ed would choose or had the brother already won his heart?

Alfons could not stand to hear these burning questions in his own mind and yet they plagued him as if he wasn't strong enough to fight off insecurities that he never knew he had or would ever have.

He stared at the man that he loved more than anything and wondered not for the first time what went through his mind, concerning Alfons and the other Alphonse.

Alfons hoped that whatever would happen despite the sharpness of the pain that hit him in the chest that Edward would be happy regardless of who he truly loved though Alfons still felt that pestering hope that it would be him and not Ed's brother that the Amestrian man had fallen for.

He closed his eyes, ignoring the impending headache of his despite everything and cuddling closer despite knowing that he really wouldn't be sleeping in all that much as the one he loved more than anything would be waking up soon.

Alfons let a smile rest on his face as he stayed close to Ed and forced himself to relax and simply breathe in the smell that was completely Edward and listen to the soothing heartbeats and breaths of Edward Elric for just a few moments more before he'd have to get out of bed and much before he could lose all of this.


End file.
